Insecurities + Freedom : We have a place in the Kingdom.
I've always been the loudest, and non-dainty of girls. I'm serious - think really clumsy, and probably a little loud and potentially with no self awareness. (All which I see now as a part of my quirky, masterpiece of Jesus. Plus, he's done a work around my rough edges.) And if I’m honest, I’ve always had a complex about this. I was called rowdy, a lot, too much, etc. All of which made my heart cry.
I wanted to be the girl that was accepted into the club, and those things stopped me from getting in. But what club was this? What team was I trying to push my way into? Who was the person that had a say in my worth and started the club? It wasn't a real club, but it sure did feel like one.
The club- a place for women who were good, enough, fit in.
I was disqualified from said club.
I carried my feelings and thought patterns of rejection to so many places of my life. It spilled into every season, relationship, and wearied my soul day by day. And I’m all Different seasons of my life- “Let me in, please! Can I come in? Am I ok now?”
But, maybe for you, those things weren’t it. Maybe you've been told you’re "too quiet," to shy, not outgoing enough. Perhaps, you've lived your whole life paralyzed by the idea that you just don't and can't have the right to speak up or be who God designed and created you to be.
Somewhere down the line, we somehow began to believe that in our strength, our make up, and self-reliance, that we would be enough to either fulfill our selves or other people. But, I soon figured out that our actions weren’t enough – and I just wasn’t getting into the club.
As doubt rises, insecurities and defenses shootout. Doubt about oursvelvs, and about God.
We take that with us- and act on it. I know I did. All the way to pointing out the too much and not-enoughness in our sisters. But as time passed, and Jesus grabbed hold of my heart – I began to press into my fears, insecurities, and pain. And in the pressing, I started to find healing.
He began reconstruction, and my heart started to see myself and everyone else through His eyes. I no longer wanted to hate who I was, I wanted to be free- and in turn, bring others along with me. Just like the women at the well. All the things that were said about her, all the shots fired at who she was.
But God used those things, and her pain to tell of His Goodness. He met her there as He meets us.
So now, I want to grab the hand of every single woman and say COME ON; we’ve got a healer.
And regardless of my flaws, mistakes, and lack of- I’ve tethered the truth to my heart that I am His, whole in Him. And I’ve resolved by to fight with this in mind. Regardless of my feelings.
Alexandra, Daughter of King Jesus. Fought for, called beloved, and forgiven.
And you are, too. Insert your name here:
_______ Daughter of King Jesus. Fought for, Loved, seen, chosen, and called beloved, forgiven.
And I’ll add this – with a greater purpose than we could come up with our selves. Healing from generational sin, breaking thought patterns, redemption songs all over our lives. REAL abundance and contentment. Taking it to the next generation of disciples. Purpose.
And Yes, friend - we lack in so many ways, yes. But we are with a Father who brings us near in our lack and makes us whole.
But let’s address the real issue, that somehow who God really created His daughters to be, got lost in translation.
But how? How did we get here?
Back to Sin.
From the beginning of time, the enemy's main goal has been to manipulate us to question who God says we are, and how He's created us.
That's the lie the enemy wanted Eve to buy - that somehow she wasn't enough with Her God alone, and that in her own strength she could fill that hole. She grabbed that apple, hoping it would be the thing that she thought was missing. She bought the lie, acted on the lie, and lived the consequences. We are now doing it, too.
And because of this we’ve become so inward focused, so self-centered. Looking and reaching for others to fill and bring approval to all the spaces in our hearts that can only be overwhelmed and complete in Him.
So what do we do?
We recognize that in our own efforts – we can’t do it. As much as that goes against what we hear in our culture. But that’s a post for another time.
We don't strive to prove ourselves to anyone, but we thrive in what God has already said. We look to the Holy Spirit and say "Guide us.” We follow the command in John 15 as we abide – to remain in Him. We look to the Cross every single time we feel like this is all too much, when our brokenness feels too heavy- and declare the righteousness, victory, and love of it over our lives.
We look to the stories God left us, of Lydia, Abigail, Ruth, Esther, The Wise women of Tekoa, the wise women of Abel-Bethmaac, Mary of Bethany, Mary Magdalene, Hannah, Mary Mother of Jesus, and so many more. And learn from them- they were all challenged in their identity. There is so much to learn from them all.
And of Crouse – we look to Jesus, who was tested, challenged, and tried In every aspect of His life. He shows us how to walk this thing out, friends.
We also look at the women to the left and the right of us and call up the Gifts, declare that they are theologians with Good gifts, remind them that they are attached to the vine – and tell them to keep going, too.
Sisters, the kingdom of God not only has space for us but is ours. The kingdom of God is our inheritance, birthright, and blessing. It’s not the club or team we’ve been trying to get into for so long; It’s eternity and freedom and glory. It's our Home.
It’s more than what our flesh can even comprehend, but something our soul longs for.
We are His daughters, full of love and set apart for Good works. And in Jesus Name, we are taking steps into abundance every single day. It’s a choice; it’s a posture, it’s a yes.
Love you, friends, Let's keep doing this Good kingdom work He's called us to. Cheering for you, praying for you.