Celebrating 9 Years
Our Marriage, Celebrating 9 years.
I’ve been praying about, and really trying to find the words to share with you today. My incredible husband and I celebrate 9 years, NINE. And it’s a blessing and more than a gift.
It’s something that I couldn't have asked for or prayed for myself- Because really, I wouldn’t have known what to pray for, and it wouldn’t have been this.
To be clear, this isn’t a “how-to for marriage.” It’s only some of what I've’ learned over the last 9 years about God, and about myself.
Nine years ago, a 19-year-old girl married an incredible young man. I was naive, and hurt, so very hurt. Yeah, I was 19. But, I was eager and willing to grow and love, and to my luck, he was wise beyond his age and loved deeply.
We both had come from different backgrounds, and upbringings- and went into this marriage thing knowing it would be hard, tough- but we were hopeful.
The first few years- I’d say the first three were the actual hardest. Not only were we figuring out this marriage thing, but I also had a great load of things that God was lovingly wanting and waiting to do in and through me.
He wanted me to learn about the covenant of marriage.
And About His love, character, and heart for us.
I began the process of sifting through it, and With God by my side, braved the deep oceans. I started to understand and know my feelings, my deep brokenness, my hurt, the pain, the outrage, the lashing out.
Learning what set my heart on fire, what I liked and didn’t like, and who I was in Him. My need for Jesus.
It was a storm, but a necessary one.
We decided a few years ago, to not shy away from the hard conversations, the hard things. We chose to dig deep, pull out, and lean into the ugly when needed. We knew we had to do it; there was no other choice if we wanted a kingdom marriage. No time or room for false peace. It was hard you guys, and there were times, where calling it too broken and too far gone crossed our minds, more than once.
Even last year, we had hit a hard place in our marriage- where we had to pull in wise counsel, reinforcements, to pray, speak truth to, and uplift us. But we are now calling that, our most significant breakthrough yet.
Over last nine years, we have learned not to choose ourselves, and instead choose Jesus.
Not our agendas, but His. Not our flesh, but Him.
We knew that kingdom love, and a Holy Fight for what this was, was more than worth it.
For a while, I sat in the pit of shame and guilt, for the inadequacies and my shortfalls. I was angry at God, because why couldn’t I have been a different women for Him? For myself?
Why was I so much work?
But then, about two years ago God began to show me that there is beauty from ashes in His story for us.
All of our ashes, even the most painful ones.
That my process and gift of healing included my Husband, Mario.
That sanctification never asked for perfection, and gave so much space for Grace, for good growth.
He sent mario to me, as part of my healing. As a vessel to show me the weight of His faithfulness, forgiveness, and love.
We knew we had to do the hard work, if we were going to be in a marriage that was full of abundant life- and have this be all that God wanted it to be.
Iron Sharpens Iron and anything worth it requires sacrifice and a fight.
And we, individually humbled ourselves, more than ever- and we prayed. We prayed small, but pig prayers, prayers of “God, have your way and will in each other's hearts."
Prayers, for strength, and healing, and big surrendering.
Less of us, more of Him.
We gave space and grace for each other to grow, and began to trust that the Holy Spirit was alive, and dwelling within each other's Hearts, and we could surely find peace in that.
We needed to give God the time and space to do what He does best, so that He could get the Glory out of this thing.
Now we're here, nine years later. Fighting, still growing- but willing, loving, committed, and expectant. We understand now more than ever, why marriage is a representation of Gods love for His bride, the church.
- The commitment to love through, and grow. The determination to see the God in ourselves, even in the worst of days, when we can’t seem to make sense of it all.
- The yes, to choose Jesus over ourselves. Not just in marriage, but in every situation.
So, here’s what I have friends;
Marriage has taught me so far, what choosing Jesus in our lives looks like on a daily, in the day to day, in the small things.
The small things, make up the big things.
That indeed, this has all been a gift. Where God, teaches us and shows us sacrificial love, and kingdom worship through our marriage. It is breathtaking and overwhelming.
- Humility- it means you take correction and you also forgive. It means to remember that the cross leveled us all. We are all each other's co-laborers in Christ, and get to do this together. We are running alongside each other, no room or time for finger pointing.
- Vulnerability- we are only as vulnerable with people, based on how real and aware we are of ourselves. It means no matter the cost; you’re willing to choose to be open and honest.
There will always be work to be done, and this is Good news. Because God is a healer. He is in the business of bringing dead things to life. Making all things new because were’ human, and will forever fall short.
All we have to do is give Him a yes, and have a willing heart.
His love is great for us friends, and I pray that you find encouragement in this, too see the beauty from ashes, the fruit the grows from the racked over dirt, and to keep going, to press on and press in. He is God with us, never leaving us, always by our side.
Stop and see His mighty hand at work in your life.
We say yes, and let Him do the heavy lifting.